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By Joshua Singh April 30, 2009
“Who will you marry?” she asked. I wondered why my mum would ask such a probing question from a young bloke like me. I replied briskly and said: “I don’t know who I will marry BUT I KNOW WHO I WILL NOT MARRY.” I will not marry a woman that does not have a place for God in her heart. A woman that will not love me for who I am. A woman who will neither have real delight nor pleasure in me. A woman that will not believe in the beauty of my dreams, however impossible they may appear. A woman that will not entertain the best opinion of my person and actions. A woman that is too “perfect" to be improved, too “seamless” to be trimmed. A woman who is not sincere enough to tell me the truth when it would hurt. A woman that is not courageous enough to preach my sermons back to me. A woman that will not forgive my faults and understand my infirmities. A woman that will not protect me from shame and abuses. A woman that will not promote my spiritual, physical and secular welfare. A woman that will not show me respect or honour. A woman that will not seek for my contentment and satisfaction. A woman without a voice or a vision. A woman who does not invest, but wants to harvest. A woman who does not originate, she only manipulates. A woman without convictions or standards. A woman who can easily be bought with a prize and swayed with currency. A woman who is ashamed of what is right because it is unpopular. A woman who cannot say an emphatic NO to evil because the whole world says YES! I thought it would be almost impossible to find such a blessed woman, free of these failings. But I was dead wrong. There are so many wonderful women out there waiting to be wanted. It is the glory of God to conceal a “wife”; it is the honour of kings to search it out. Thank God, I found mine – the woman of my dreams! Many years ago, I knew who I would not marry, BUT NOW I KNOW WHO I WILL MARRY! Though imperfect, yet altogether virtuous – what a paradox! Sweetheart, if you ever read this public note, I want you to know that it’s been a great pleasure for me to share in the beauty and splendor of your life. Your investment in my life will surely yield great returns for us, our kids and our generation. My love for you will remain chaste and single, constant and perpetual; so help me God! That’s my creed! Olayemi, you are celebrated!

While working as a senior medical officer in a busy emergency department, I met an impressive young Indian man, Dr L. He had just completed his medical degree in the Middle East and was undertaking a clinical attachment (also known as observership) at the hospital. 

Within 4 weeks, Dr L. left a remarkable impression on me. He was assiduous, conscientious, and hardworking. He was always on time and would even work overtime. He never complained, even though he was not getting paid. He was attentive and engaged during my ward rounds and he was keen to serve.


Unbeknownst to me, Dr L had been looking for a job for quite a while, and he was already getting frustrated. Yet he did not show this. I was not aware of his situation – I just assumed he was on an exchange program. 

On the final day of his rotation, he asked me to fill and sign his evaluation form. Of course, I scored him excellently. For the first time, I asked him about his plans. That was when he explained his situation. He had been in the country for a while, looking for a job. Rather than working in another field, he decided to do an observership to gain much-needed experience. 


During our conversation, I discovered that he had also applied for a job (as a psychiatry intern) in a hospital I had previously worked. I was amazed! Immediately, I asked him who the contact person was, and I made a call. 

Guess what? It was the Acting Head of Department. He told me the department had received over 100 applications for only 2 positions. More than 10 of the applicants were PhD holders! There and then, I knew there was a challenge. 


My reply was simple: “Although Dr L does not have a PhD or years of experience, he has a bloody good attitude. He is apt to learn and would be a great addition to your team.” That was it!

A few weeks later, I received a phone call from Dr L. He got the job – despite being so unqualified! The following year, he brought his parents (who were visiting from India) to me. At his mum’s request, he drove for almost 4 hours (300 km) to meet me, just to say, "thank you". His parents prayed for me and that day I felt so much joy. Interestingly, my mum was also there!


There are so many lessons to learn here…

1. Opportunities never come to those who sit still. They come to those who put in the work. Dr L’s breakthrough came while he was serving. Although he was in an unpaid position, he was diligent and impressive. 


2. Good references are powerful. It is not enough to be competent; you should also build good connections. Always endeavour to make a good impression and learn to build good relationships. Whatever your hands find to do, do it well. Do not be keen to discard old friends and colleagues. Don’t burn bridges. You may never know when you will need help. 

A simple phone call may just make the difference. Ask Dr L!

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